My Feelings about my brother, John

Well I suppose I have to just sit down and write my memories about my dear brother, John. I have been avoiding this because I am having a difficult time accepting this. Living so far away right now really removes you from everything, and up until seeing John at Heather’s wedding last month, in my mind, I still see John as a healthy, witty guy that has a wink and a smile ready for you.
My recall of memories really stinks, honestly, so I have been praying that I would be able to not be my normal, forgetful self, and actually dig deep and remember more than I usually do about the past.
My earliest memories of John are from Woodbridge, VA. I remember mom and dad buying us a round metal horse troph for a swimming pool in the backyard…ha! We had to plug that thing with a washcloth so the water would stay in. We’d all get in there and run around and make whirlpools. I remember from a very early age loving having all the family together, especially when the “older kids” were around and playing with us. I am number six in the family, and I remember doing whatever I could to be around the older kids. I remember Rob and John playing ball and breaking the Van windshield in the driveway. I remember the older kids playing rubber band wars in the upstairs hallway and in order for us younger ones to “be there,” the boys would have us clean up the rubber bands between games. Ahhh, what a little kid will do to be involved.
In California, I remember John and Rob playing the trashcan lid game. I loved running between the bases. I also remember Axis and Allies…it was very heated at times. One of poor mom and dad’s tactics to get us to stop fighting/be more respectful, etc. was to use money. At the beginning of every week, we each started at a WHOLE $5! (That seemed like SOOO MUCH to me back then!). Throughout the week, money was deducted if we were disrespectful, whined, or fought. By the end of the week, each child was given the remainder of the $5 they “earned.” Well, if my memory serves me correctly, Rob and John were “playing” Axis and Allies in their bedroom for a while. Things got…ahem…a little competitive, and before we knew it, the door was locked and they were fighting it out! Mom sent one of us through their bedroom window to open their door so she could get in there. Mom and Dad took Rob and John into their bedroom and talked with them for a long time. I remember them coming out and finding that they had been in trouble…and they LOST ALL $5 of their dollars for that week in one swoop. I couldn’t believe it, I remember thinking that was big time. I also remember the boys selling flowers on the side of the road in the entrance to Oak Hills and doing their paper route early in the morning. Even from that early time, John was developing a strong work ethic and sense of responsibility. I remember going to see John as Charlie Brown in the school play, and how much he loved living in Monterey. I think he thought those were some of his best times.
In Kansas, I remember John and his friend taking us little kids to Worlds of Fun. It was an amusement park, and we had a blast! We all went on this crazy rollercoaster and most of us barfed big time at the end of it, honestly. Looking back, that was really cool for him to choose to take us annoying kids to an amusement park when he could have gone with just a group of his friends instead. That says a lot about John. I remember John being into “The Proclaimers” and listening to that tape over and over and loving it years before it got really “popular.” Then there were the class ring hits. John was very patient as a brother. He didn’t need to be in charge, have his way, assert his authority, etc. He was very kind and loving…but sometimes, enough was enough. Sometimes I remember I would push his buttons just because I knew he wouldn’t fly off the handle. He would just sit and let me hit, pinch, punch, etc. while he sat there. Well sometimes when he wasn’t in the mood, he would start counting…1…2…that’s 3…then I knew I was in trouble. For every hit I did, he would hit me back my holding my arm, turn his class ring with the stone facing out and hit me on my arm the number of times I hit him. I had it coming. This only happened after patient, quiet requests to stop and leave him alone. His mullet happened around that time too, I believe. I remember sitting at Nana Wendt’s table in Arizona on our way to Hawaii with my parents talking about John needing to get rid of his gothic coat and cut his hair…are there any mullet pics of John floating around?


In Hawaii, John lived in the maid’s quarters on the other side of the house. I remember his room being full of these drawings…were they mythical creatures? Does anyone else remember those? He listened to Weird Al Yankovic music too, and would sing his songs around the house and in the car just to get you to laugh.
I was proud of John being worthy and willing to serve a mission to Las Vegas. I remember getting letters and pictures of him serving and helping. I remember this picture of him and his companion standing in tons of snow in Susanville, CA shoveling it off of someone’s rooftop. When he came home, he had a huge stereo he had bought on his mission. Years later, I ended up receiving that stereo from him. He was very generous. He had a fun outlook on life and what makes it interesting.
When he moved home after a difficult period of life, I remember he would spend a lot of time in his bedroom. I must have been about 15 or 16 at this time, and one day he and I were the only ones home. I was doing my thing, and he was doing his thing. I remember that he came out of his bedroom and asked if I wanted to play a card game. I was happy that he wanted to, and we must have sat at the table in mom and dad’s house for hours eating Pringles chips and playing cards. I still remember feeling so happy that he was smiling and making jokes. That was good to see.
He also gave me my cupid prick of love for animals (which my husband is forever in his debt for). Little Sebastian came home with John when he moved home and was…well…a complete terror in my parent’s brand new home. I was never an animal person up to that point, and I was not excited about this little dog coming into our home. But John loved little Sebby and we all knew John needed him. Well, it didn’t take me long to know why. Sebastian was the cutest little West Highland White Terrier ever. He would cuddle with you on the floor when you were watching TV., he’d pee all over the floor, and chew furniture and windowsills. But he was always ready and wagging his tail when you came in the door and wanted to say HI to you like he’d been waiting all day for YOU to get home. But till this day, watching how much John loved that little guy still gets me, he definitely loved animals.
Ahh…then Jacqui entered his life. I think the first time I knew of his interest in Jacqui was when I came into his room for something one day and he was writing in his journal. He was lying on the floor with his journal open and there was a picture of Jacqui lying on the floor next to the journal. In the picture, she was wearing a green outfit in front of a white gate or something. I asked what he was doing and who that girl was, and I think he got embarrassed and told me to get out of his room. Well…it didn’t take long, because the next thing we knew, she was over at our house for the infamous first dinner experience, and the rest was history. Jacqui drove an Eagle Talon sports car back then, and I remember one time before they were married John had her car for some reason. He was going to go to her work to bring her some lunch and asked if I wanted to go with him. We got in the car and as he drove, he looked over at me and said “Did I ever tell you how much I love this car? It is so choice.” (Insert Ferris Bueller’s voice for that line). John was always happy to include me and was just happy that I was there with him. I remember when he took Jacqui on a fancy date…was it Phantom of the Opera or something? Anyway, he was agonizing about what to wear for the date because they were going to dress up. He got a whole new outfit and looked great, and the picture they took together at Jacqui’s house before their date ended up on the floor right next to the picture of Jacqui when he’d write in his journal in his bedroom after that. I must have been nosy, because I remember seeing him on a few occasions with those pictures…ahhh…that new love. John and Jacqui’s wedding reception was a little slice of heaven for me. I remember it being so fun, so beautiful, and we danced, and danced, and danced! I even remember my brother Rob asking me to dance at their reception and how good that made me feel. John and Jacqui were exquisite that night, and to see John so HAPPY was good for all of us who love him so much.
Shortly after he and Jacqui married, they basically gave me their little blue get metro when I graduated High School. That poor car saw some rough times with Janet and me commuting to SWT, but John and Jacqui’s generosity really helped out when I was a poor college student. I remember a few years later John joining Janet and I’s commuting schedule and how I will now cherish that time and those early morning conversations and institute classes we shared that I realize now how much I took for granted. I remember if he and Jacqui went out of town, Janet and I would housesit for them and watch their dogs. That was really fun.
The day John told us that Jacqui was pregnant with their first child, Tommy, was a special day. We were all at my parent’s house sitting in the family room, and John came in and asked what we were all doing in April (I believe that was the original due date maybe…although Tommy wasn’t born until May…). We all kind of sat there confused…and then he got all excited and happy and said, well I was wondering because that’s when JACQUI’S DUE!!!!! We were all totally excited! It was really fun to watch both John and Jacqui prepare for the births of each of their special children and how excited, organized, and focused they would get when they were welcoming a new child into their home.
Something kind of special to me is the fact that for a few years, Dad, John, and I were all teachers at the same time. Although they both taught High School and I taught Elementary, it was something special to find us three sitting and talking every once in a while about teaching, and suddenly the room would be left with only us three. I guess “teacher talk” IS really annoying when you’re not a teacher! Having that unique bond was something I was proud of, simple, yes, but I will cherish forever.
After college, I moved away, and I remember John calling me for important things that were happening in his life. He called to tell me that he had finally gone skydiving, and told me all about it. He was so happy and proud of himself. John called about passing his Counseling exam that was very stressful, yet he was so relieved and happy that he wanted to call and share his joy with me. We had a lengthy conversation when he found out that he was diagnosed with colon cancer. It was a week before we left Arizona to move to the Caribbean, and I stood outside a restaurant that we had gone to for hours on the phone with him. It was like he didn’t want to get off the phone with me. It was the best conversation I think I ever had with him. He had lots of advice and words of wisdom as Dave and I were moving into a stressful, difficult time of life as Dave entered Med School. Somehow as all of this is happening, one of my sorrows is that I know John would be a source of great comfort and wisdom for me, yet he is the one that has passed on. I will miss those conversations and special bonding times.
Oh ya! Disneyworld! That was a great family trip! Talk about crazy…piling all the family into two condos for a week of Disney. It is still one of my most favorite family trips ever…though! One night mom and dad agreed to watch the kids late while the adults went back to the park to ride rides. It was so so so much fun! After the grandkids started coming, it was rare for the siblings to really be alone and have adult time in the family, so this was a special treat. I remember standing in the line for that star tours or star wars ride and John cracking jokes.
John was impressively kind and considerate to my husband, Dave. Both he and Jacqui made it a point to sit by Dave and genuinely ask him questions about how his life was going. They took time out to make Dave feel comfortable and accepted, and for that, I have the most respect and love for John and Jacqui.
At this time, my heart hurts terribly for the loss of my dear brother, for his beautiful wife, my sister, Jacqui, and their four amazing kids…Tommy, Sheridan, Rita, and Miles. It is hard for me to understand the reasons for this situation, and even harder to be so very far away from everyone now. I hope that Tommy, Sheridan, Rita, and Miles know that their dad was a man of honor, courage, understood responsibility, had a strong work ethic, loved family and wanted to be around them, and honored his priesthood. He loved your mom very deeply. She not only made him very happy, but made him a better man. He had a tremendous laugh and a witty sense of humor. He was gifted in imparting wisdom and sharing personal experiences to help you through tough times in your own life. He was an incredible big brother that loved me, I know this. I will miss him terribly.